My Mama Said, "If I knew then what I know now..."

I came across this post today and thought I'd contribute my two cents. (Read it before you read mine; Lisa makes some great points). One of the good things about having a child when you're older, though, is that you're (hopefully!) wiser too, which means that I was already aware of a lot of the important stuff before (or at least during the process of) having a baby.

I've never heard about the banding of the belly thing. Well, that's not quite true; when I was in secondary school, a girl who was scheduled to sit 'O' Level exams got pregnant and banded her tummy to avoid the inevitable speculation and the possibility probability of getting kicked out of school. (Yes, they did that back then, sadly, and more than one intelligent girl's education suffered for it). But I digress. A less time-consuming alternative might be using cocoa butter as a moisturizer. Smells great and worked for me, but I've always exercised regularly.

Amen on the breast feeding. I had no idea what to expect from the experience, but I knew I wanted to give it my best shot. My son latched on perfectly from the get-go and I valued the degree of bonding that it afforded us. This is not to say that there won't be obstacles along the way, just that there are usually simple ways around them. Sore nipples? Buy a bottle of Vitamin E capsules and smear the oil directly on to the tender area, bearing in mind that if your baby is latched on correctly, breast feeding should not hurt. Clogged milk ducts? Ouch. Believe me, I know. Take a hot shower. Or pump. Or best of all, let your baby nurse from the affected side - that's the fastest and most efficient formula for relief. It may seem easier to give up sometimes, but when you consider that it is best for the baby, cheaper than formula and a whole lot less work, a mild bout of Mastitis can seem like a walk in the park.

Yes, the world will come a-beckoning and you will miss it sometimes. It'll pass. And the time to re-enter it full force will come soon enough. Cherish the sabbatical.

And now for a few tips of my own:

You've gotta have faith. It doesn't matter if you call the object of that faith God, the Universe, a Higher Power; even if you're agnostic, at some point you will realise that from the moment of conception, a whole lot of miracle is going on in there in spite of you. Yes, you can "try" at the right time of the month, eat right, stay relaxed, avoid alcohol and secondhand smoke, read every single baby/parenting book on the market, etc. etc. You are actually not in charge. It's good to remember that sometimes. Cultivate a sense of gratitude from early o'clock, because every single moment of this life that you're helping to nurture - in utero and post-partum is a gift. Sometimes, the road may be difficult, and you're going to need to trust.

Be prepared for the "sninkling". Verb: To sneeze and tinkle at the same time while pregnant. Wear a panty liner.

You may not be able to avoid the haemorrhoids. But I hope you do.

Understand that "modern" society does its level best to separate children from their mothers and that this is not the natural state of things. You have a right to ask for your partner/mother/best friend/doula to be with you during labour. (And by all means get a doula if you can - she'll make a tremendous difference to your labour experience). You have a right to hold (and ideally breastfeed) your newborn as soon as he is delivered (notwithstanding any complications). You should have a right to not have to go back out to work a measly three months after having had the baby, but if you so choose, your office (especially if it's a large business) should provide day care on the premises (which you don't have to pay for) so that you can be with your child intermittently throughout the day, continue to breastfeed more conveniently, etc. The world seems to think that we'll raise more independent kids if we try to pry them off of us as early as possible. Nothing could be further from the truth. It's time that we reconsider what comprises a "developed" society and start tending to the needs of the family in order to effect change on a national scale.

Be gentle with yourself. You can't be depleted and be there for your child. It's like when they're giving the safety instructions on a flight: In the event of an emergency, you are told to don your oxygen mask before tending to any children in your care. So sleep when your baby does (easier said than done, I know) and don't feel guilty about taking some time for yourself. Your child will thank you for it.

Your relationship will change. Hopefully for the better. You and your partner will likely be brought closer through the experience of having this child together, but everyday life will not look like it used to. You won't have as much time for each other, so you have to make the effort to make the time you do have count. Try to use it for something other than quarreling about whose job it was to wash the dishes. Oh and newsflash - you will both love your child more fiercely than you ever imagined you could love each other.