My Mama Said, "Share and share alike."

Of course, when I was taught to share as a child, I'm sure my parents were referring to my toys - but it did help me understand the value of sharing.  As a new parent, I can vouch for the fact that sharing experiences is a wonderful way to learn, whether one-on-one with other parents or virtually; the Internet offers quick and easy access to reassure you that you are not the first - nor will you be the last - parent to go through whatever it is that currently has you up at night (literally or otherwise).  To quote Esther Dyson:

The Internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect.

Okay.  So I'm connecting - and was thrilled to find this article at kellymom.com which talks about "comfort nursing".  Now, I by no means feel guilty, as the article describes, for nursing my baby to sleep.  We both sleep much better because of it, thank you very much.  And I'm totally on board with the reality that contrary to what many "experts" may think, I have to adapt myself and my lifestyle to suit the needs of my little one at this tender age.  I'm not one for having my child cry it out; my entire system goes into high alert when he cries - as it was designed to do - so there's no way I can hear him cry out for me (which communicates a need, not a want) and not attend to him.  I make no apologies for these choices.  My son is happy.  Everybody who meets him comments on it, so I must be doing something right.  So why Google the article in the first place, right?

Because comfort nursing means he usually falls asleep in my arms - which is fine for night-time, but a tad challenging during the day when I have to work.  For a while there, I thought I was the only mother whose child prefers to be held when sleeping.  Sure, he's slept on his own (in his bassinet, and as he got older, in his crib) occasionally, but by and large he's a cuddler (his future wife will thank me one day, I'm sure).  It was good to know that "there are many babies who have been...nursed during the night from birth who eventually learn to fall asleep on their own without the breast. You don't have to teach them to do this. They reach this as a milestone - when they're physically, developmentally, and emotionally ready to."

So I'll let him lead the way, as I've done with everything else, from breastfeeding to starting solids.    He's already showing signs of greater independence: nursing until he's satisfied and then pulling himself off into a completely separate sleeping position, often right next to me.  And you know what?  This is the time when you're supposed to hold children, before they get too big, too heavy, more independent.  That time will come soon enough.  I'm enjoying the present.  Cuddling included.    

My Mama Said, "Children spell love T-I-M-E."

Yup.  It's a fact. Children don't care how many toys you throw at them, or if they're dressed in the hottest kiddie clothes brands.  They know how much you love them by the time you spend with them.  And while "quality time" is a buzzword, children also need big, chunky quantities of time and lots of it: Time spent playing with them, laughing with them, helping them learn (and having them teach you a thing or two in the process!)  This intimate bonding time helps give them the confidence to negotiate their world - and to a baby or infant, that world can be overwhelming at times.

Which is why I've chosen to be there as much as possible for my son.  Everything I've read about the subject, everything I've observed, tells me it's the right decision (if you can swing it).  Moreover, it's a choice that feels right to me.  Fortunately, I can swing it.  (Hats off to mothers who hold down 8-4 jobs and are still there for their kids; that's BIG love!) My career gives me the flexibility to work from home; it works for me and more importantly, it works for him.  Some of the folks in our neighbourhood are stunned that we've chosen to parent "the old time way", i.e.: with the wife at home, being the primary caregiver.  I giggle whenever I overhear such comments, because I don't consider myself a housewife.  "Working mother" doesn't really fit the bill either, because it suggests that work comes before motherhood.  I am a mother who works.  Which is not to say that the arrangement is without its occasional complications.

Most of the people I work with appreciate that the landscape has changed since I've had my son.  They all understand - nay, insist - that children come first, deadlines after.  As much as possible, they give me long lead times on projects, because they know that some days will be more productive than others.  And they always ask if I am able to add new projects to my workload beforehand.  These are the people I want to work with again and again.  But every rule must have an exception and a recent exception reminded me of a very good lesson, in business and in life: trust your instincts.  I let myself get involved in a project in a greater capacity than I felt comfortable with.  As the scope of work got bigger, I was kicking myself for the amount of time I now had to dedicate to it - time that wasn't being spent with my son.  It simply wasn't worth it.  And that's what it really comes down to for parents; doing the best you can in your particular situation.  Making choices that suit your family.  Looking at your children and knowing that they're totally worth it.