"...but maybe not all at the same time." I knew this before having my son. And now, after having him, I understand it on a whole other level...
I can have a career. But that career cannot take on the same shape or intensity that it used to. I cannot, for instance, work at the same pace, or take on a comparable project load (not that I'd want to, mind you, because more time for work equals less of it for my son, at a stage at which he needs the bulk of my time). But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't sometimes feel a slight pull towards the kind of creative projects in which I'd ordinarily be immersed. These are the times that I remember the advice of several wise women (who have grown children and should know what they're talking about): Careers will wait. Children, on the other hand, won't. They will grow. They will change. They will need you there to be a part of it. And to borrow a line from Stephen Grellet, they will not pass this way again, so it kind of makes sense to be present while the event is happening.
I can still be the woman you fell in love with. Only better. It
may not seem like it when I'm sleep deprived and exhausted, but trust
me, your investment has appreciated and it has everything to do with the
child we share. I'm a wiser, stronger, kinder, more gracious woman
than the one you married. Yes, sometimes you will have to grit your
teeth and pull from your vast reserves of patience, but if it helps, you
should know that I know that my investment has
appreciated too.
I can have a social life. But I will not be painting the town red anytime soon. This is because the spontaneity of picking up myself and going to a movie/concert/art exhibition/out for dinner has disappeared. Since all grandparents live out of the country, I have to rely on the availability of a babysitter that he'll stay with to be able to venture out. Of course, this will get easier the older he gets. In the meantime, my husband and I often say that we can't pay for the kind of entertainment our son provides!
I can still be a good friend. But you won't be seeing me nearly as often. Unless, of course, you come to visit or have kids my son's age. It's not that I don't want to see you; I've probably tried on several occasions to visit, but the reality is that these days, best intentions get trumped by the need for naps, walks, play dates, baths and bedtime routines. Plus, come 8 p.m., I'm just about ready for bed myself!
So in this age of instant gratification (that Queen song, I Want It All, comes to mind), I am content to have some of the things, some of the time because I know that in my son, I have everything I've ever wanted.
I can have a career. But that career cannot take on the same shape or intensity that it used to. I cannot, for instance, work at the same pace, or take on a comparable project load (not that I'd want to, mind you, because more time for work equals less of it for my son, at a stage at which he needs the bulk of my time). But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't sometimes feel a slight pull towards the kind of creative projects in which I'd ordinarily be immersed. These are the times that I remember the advice of several wise women (who have grown children and should know what they're talking about): Careers will wait. Children, on the other hand, won't. They will grow. They will change. They will need you there to be a part of it. And to borrow a line from Stephen Grellet, they will not pass this way again, so it kind of makes sense to be present while the event is happening.
I can still be the woman you fell in love with. Only better. It
may not seem like it when I'm sleep deprived and exhausted, but trust
me, your investment has appreciated and it has everything to do with the
child we share. I'm a wiser, stronger, kinder, more gracious woman
than the one you married. Yes, sometimes you will have to grit your
teeth and pull from your vast reserves of patience, but if it helps, you
should know that I know that my investment has
appreciated too.
I can have a social life. But I will not be painting the town red anytime soon. This is because the spontaneity of picking up myself and going to a movie/concert/art exhibition/out for dinner has disappeared. Since all grandparents live out of the country, I have to rely on the availability of a babysitter that he'll stay with to be able to venture out. Of course, this will get easier the older he gets. In the meantime, my husband and I often say that we can't pay for the kind of entertainment our son provides!
I can still be a good friend. But you won't be seeing me nearly as often. Unless, of course, you come to visit or have kids my son's age. It's not that I don't want to see you; I've probably tried on several occasions to visit, but the reality is that these days, best intentions get trumped by the need for naps, walks, play dates, baths and bedtime routines. Plus, come 8 p.m., I'm just about ready for bed myself!
So in this age of instant gratification (that Queen song, I Want It All, comes to mind), I am content to have some of the things, some of the time because I know that in my son, I have everything I've ever wanted.
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